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about

the vast majority of these songs were written between december 2010 and january 2011 and they tell the story of where i was at those times. it holds great value to my soul. thank you for listening. id love to hear what youve thought of it and how its made you feel.

credits

released May 19, 2011

all songs by erik carson. extra voices on various songs by adam heinrichsen, ashley kane, brent kostner, kevin schlereth, tony ortiz, and tyler hentschel. drums, keyboard, violin, and whistle by adam heinrichsen, flute on various songs by ashley kane, pretty guitar on i am nothing by ricky cummings.

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Track Name: Intro To Business
pull me out of this mess before i drown you pull me out of this mess before i drown us pull me out of this mess before i drown
Track Name: Associates Of Business Administration
come with me on a journey to find every waterfall from my infancy and ill reveal all my secrets in missouri/misery and i will shave my head and i will surely die when you caress my deformed chest i did all of this to myself cause the littlest penguin with the biggest heart that i have ever seen has changed my life so here i am but you don’t understand now do you dan ill pass out and wake up in a labyrinth and go down around the corner find a minotaur and i will shoot lightning from the palm of my hand and itll go down down down into the ground i will find the wise owl and itll tell me to get back on track to get my life back but first just like cronus i shall castrate my father but you dont understand now do you dan no you dont understand dan so what do you understand dan nothing no nothing no nothing at all but you dont understand now do you down no no
Track Name: Van Gogh
maybe ill move to eugene oregon again or maybe portland just in time to lose that race that i had not begun or maybe ill goto washington to seek the ghost of my best friend only to find magnolias in a puddle of melted snow or maybe ill climb into my car and ill drive it away to the eastern bay and ill be all alone with this nautical nightmare or maybe ill scurry into a strangers house and youll all gather around for the malady of this mouse and ill sing songs in this basement which is our living room in this moment well all be the most loving family any of us have ever seen well all join together to sing honest songs for honest people the honest truth how it can hurt how it hurts sometimes to hear but its right it is right we all have some flaws but its never too late for self improvement the good it comes and it goes and it goes piggy backed on the back of the bad of the bad van gogh counterfeiting honest human interactions though right now it is dark it is oh so dark in this room in this world in your life in our lives will get better cause were all in this together
Track Name: Caterpillar
well i dont if could live anymore and i still dont understand how you ever left this morgue and i know that i knew that one day itd come true and this caterpillar would have one day flew far away to the northern coast and left me all alone here in this morgue and i know that i knew that one day itd come true and id finally learn the truth about me so i hate myself and all that i am every hair follicle and every carbon based atom and i hate myself for who ive become because of the wrongs that they have allowed me to have done i deserve to be alone in this frigid iced drawer after that look in your eyes i belong here in this morgue ive always been honest yet ive never spoke the truth so how can i ever expect someone to ever love me true when i dont love myself like debra loves her brother ill be all alone ill always be alone but atleast i can take some solace in this pain that is all mine cause it truely is all mine for it is unique to me no one will ever know what its like to be me despite our similarities i promise that were all unique i can leave my house and go from one coast to the other but it will not change a thing cause every citys just the same just another carbon copy of the woes ive left behind suffocating and erradicating all of my kind and here i am once again prepared to learn what i learned before were all monsters at least sometimes
Track Name: Saint Elmo
were all running from ourselves but we cant seem to escape that rat bastard no matter how hard we all try what gives me the right to judge anyone when i have done everything that i am likely to condemn them for im just a poor confused little boy striving to be a responsible full grown adult by wearing my dad grandfathers hat wouldnt you be so proud to see this man now escaping from this cruel world with this tool you gave me failing to become anything when i return home from this tour i will cease to exist anymore i wont exist i will not exist i dont exist i do not exist at all this is how i live my life i run away from everything that scares me for a minute or even a second and i dont know if ill ultimately make it im afraid of growing old but im afraid of my future most of all i dont wanna live long i dont wanna die young i got all of these people who call me their friend byet i havent done a single thing for them i dont understand this human condition im nothing more than a physical apparition im searching for a soul that im not even sure that i even have and i dont wanna find it because i dont wanna be held responsible for the things i did when i was lonely or sad i dont wanna be held responsible for the cruel things i did when i was mad dont wanna think about where im going when i die when im living im afraid of my future past and present im afraid of everything and i dont wanna be afraid
Track Name: Giraffe
i was sitting all alone by myself in the mud along came a giraffe and it cuddled up next to me it told me boy take my magical licorice tongue when you consume it you can follow me once i am gone though i was confused when she said this i now understand her head then split in two out flew one mechanical owl it flew so high into the sky past the clouds into the heavens i then took her advice and consumed her rough and chewy magical licorice tongue and i will grow my neck one thousand two hundred twenty eight feet high just so i can come and join you way up high in the clouds and ill keep a watchful eye on your silver coated igloo sometimes you fall into comfortable my mind will fly just right out the window i will will do nothing but cry cause you seem to have done nothing but lie to me but in reality youve used nothing but honesty as you are nothing but a fabrication of my mind i am nothing i exist only in my mind
Track Name: Selfish Living (Ectoplasmic Existence)
i wanna put my hand through this wall but what would that solve i wanna put my head through this wall but that wont solve anything at all i continuously run my fingers through my hair and its so hard to not just rip it all out i can sometimes dance but i dont understand it i am everything nothing implies that nothing is id much rather draw illustrate you a picture with dotted lines to cross dots to fill in ill talk at you all night but youll be no better for it you wont learn anything a stranger doesnt know i wont hear anything you say ill only hear the words i wrote in ones and ohs i share my blood out of my mouth with an inaudible melody as honest as i can with everyone i meet yet no one knows me still theres no mutual feeling no not on things like this ill float down the river in a boat made of misplaced trust and broken glass and shatterered mirrors for the unneeded luck i can do this on my own right or wrong black white street sky or truck the heavens i wish to ascend minus the flute playing bear and its intoxicating yet abrasive beauty i can not juggle like the fabled giraffe and i dont have the key to unlock the accordian frozen iced shut i aint what i claim to be no matter species you subscribe i wont be deteremined as anything but carbon monoxide as visible as oxygen but with four hundered and five times the density the soul youve admired was a mirror imaged reflection of someone who never has existed beyond an ectoplasmic existance nothing i have ever known is conscious i am the epitome of selfish living the definition of trivial novelties the novelty of nullity again i run these fingers through this now wet hair hotter and hotter the water burns scolding hot beyond standability my flesh melts off to bone i am not poetic i am going nowhere beyond this mountain i wish you were everything you're not i wish you were everything but youre not
Track Name: Robot(s)
be honest with me and i will consume every deconstructed vessel that tragically met a less than poetic end and i will reconstruct these tattered and forgotten ruins into a once again functional machine upgraded to no longer speak in bleeps when your heart beats but in entrancing angelic melodies love forever more
Track Name: Memento
do you still remember me despite everything that i have said about you can you ever forgive someone with this much guilt rooted this deep in their soul you cant stop trying no matter what they say
Track Name: Totemtown
are we going to totemtown where the wolves are friendly and i am not alone ill take off my bandit mask and pretend that i am part of the pack because i dont wanna be alone well the buffalo roams where i wanna go but ive never been where the buffalo go about these things i do not know i can not know what i dont know but vicariously ive lived it all from the southern bay and the eden wall the screaming elephant he said to me ya know it really aint that bad to be alone well the screeching hawk it rages on with the jealous veins it thrives upon peers straight through the veil and soars on down now to grasp that trophy that i have found it justifies the virus filled crack encouraging every self destructive act the crippled sloth whispers upon my ear that its hard to get use to being alone totemtowns brown with a church painted red and burn like hell it shall not fail totemtown burns just like everything burns for the duration of my existance for the deceivery of me and bee and tee and lee and bee and knee totemtown shines with rust and grime and to dirt you shall return to remain as dirt
Track Name: Metamorphosis
if i go on living this life the way that im currently living my life then i am afraid that someone somewhere sometime will go and remove me from this skin of mine and ill wake up in the afternoon wearing a hardened sclerite skin suit repulsed ill veer back on that amtrak throttle and in an attempt to destroy this new skin of mine eviction notice no bugs allowed you look rather decrepit in this old house the exterminator will somehow be here sometime to snort all of these drugs at three in the am and all of these possessions i do not need but if this was the life that i was meant to lead then god why oh why did you even bother to make me were all parasites im a parasite were all parasites until you see us metamorphosize in my mind i cannot see the difference between you and me until i peer right inside your lie and discover that youre not the same man as i with a malice filled rock pumping hate through them veins and dust filled lungs its such a shame that i can not will not have not accepted that im as empty as the man that i wish i werent at all five suits and a tie in a four inch room one noose fitted true i must leave you no oxygen in this haggard den i will asphyxiate before your judgemental eyes/lies your depiction of perfection i do not need so surely this is the life i was meant to lead so why oh why did you lose all faith in me in this life that i lead it just does not make sense to me how you could live your life the way that you live your life it feels so hollow to me but i will not change a thing i dont wanna change i like the man that i became maybe one day i will see that theres more here than you and theres more here than me or atleast thats what i'd like to believe it is just so hard to be the man that i was the man that i am or the man that wish that i could be it feels so good just like the way it should but it is so messed up it feels so right just like it will tonight but i can assure you its so far from right
Track Name: I Am Nothing
i live in the house where i was born but dont you worry i wont be here for long cause im gonna move away from here some day soon i will be just like ozymandias and reveal my identity but until that day comes youll sit and ponder my name is nothing like me im not a ruler or a king everlasting big or small infact i am nothing without you when compared to your glory i have nothing to offer this world i am nothing