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the death of​.​.​.

by Self Proclaimed Narcissist

/
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1.
no one will know the music is dead because we killed it
2.
EXiLED 03:02
I spent the last year in exile try- ing to pull myself up out of this shit, before I drown, myself There are people in this world who sincerely wish that I did drown myself and cease, to exist but if I believed what they believe is the truth about me, then I promise you, I promise you that I, would too but I don't really wanna talk about any of that shit, no I just miss my, Grandma For nearly 30 years she was my mom, and for nearly 30 years I was another undeserving son, I was, a lucky one. I spent 27 trying to be a pro gamer, OH LOOK AT ME! and I spent 28 truly living, the dream But 29 was the worst GOD DAMN YEAR I have lived so far! and with the snap of a hand, I lost myself and I lost, so many more I've done such a good job, such a such a good job self medicating, by repressing, escaping, and drinking, drinking, drinking I don't like who I've been, and I don't like, who I am but YOU CAN'T STOP TRYING NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY, so I'll keep on trying..... to be the one that I wanted to be, to be the one she always thought I was, to be the one that I still hope that I can become.
3.
Beercan 01:50
just be cause life is a bummer man, does not mean that you have to go to done-zo land I've been here before, fuck I'll be here again I just gotta hang in there it'll work now it worked, back then I end near-ly all nights, in a beer can, so I don't feel much of anything anymore, and I don't wanna be here, no, I don't wanna be here I wanna be anywhere else, anywhere else, but I can't I don't wanna be I don't wanna be me I don't wanna be me, anymore, any more
4.
Totemtown 02:46
Are we going to Totemtown? Where the wolves are friendly and I am not alone I'll take off my bandit mask and pretend that I am part of the pack because I don't wanna be alone Well the Buffalo roams where I wanna go but I've never been where the buffalo go about these things I do not know I can not know what I don't know but Vicariously I've lived it all been to the southern bay and the Eden wall the screaming elephant he said to me "Ya know, it really ain't that bad to be alone" rturtfgbvwasd totemtown Well the screeching hawk it rages on with the jealous veins it thrives upon peers straight through the veil and soars on down now to grasp that trophy that I have found and It justifies the virus filled crack Encouraging every self destructive act the crippled sloth whispers upon my ear that it's hard to get use to being alone Totemtown's brown with a church painted red and burn like hell it shall not fail Totemtown burns just like everything burns for the duration of my existance for the deceivery of REDACTED Totemtown shines with rust and grime and to dirt you shall return to remain as dirt
5.
Caterpillar 04:06
I don't know if I could live anymore and I still don't understand how you ever left this morgue and I know that I knew that one day it'd come true and this caterpiller will have one day flew Far away to the northern coast and leave me all alone, here in this morgue and I know that I knew that one day it'd come true and I'd finally learn the truth about me -- ooooooo-woooooahh-wooooooahhhh so I hate myself for all that I am every hair follicle and ev-er-y carbon based at-om so I hate myself for who I've become because of the wrongs they've allowed me to have done I deserve be alone in this frigid iced drawer after that look in your eyes, I belong here in this morgue I've always been honest yet I have never spoke the truth so how can I ever expect someone to ever love me true? when I don't love myself like Deborah loves her Brother (dexter reference) I'll be all alone oh I'll always be alone but atleast I can take some solace in this pain that is all mine cause it truely is all mine for it is unique to me and no one will ever know what it's like to be me despite our similarities I promise that we are all unique I can leave my house and go from one coast to the other but it will not change a thing because every city's just the same just another carbon copy of woes I left behind suffocating and erradicating all of my kind and here I am oh once again prepared to learn what I learned before that we're all monsters atleast sometimes breaking bad season 3 episode 1 "how do you not hate yourself?" "I did hate myself, for a long time. but it didn't stop me from drinking and getting high; it just made it that much worse. Self-hatred and guilt, it accomplishes nothing; it just stands in the way" "Stands in the way of what?" "True change"
6.
everyday I wake up just in time to watch the sun go down everyday i wake up with no meaning to be found everyday I wake up, it's not as pleasant as it sounds and I don't want to wake up anymore in my hometown so I'll grab my guitar and put it in the trunk of my car and I'll drive far far FAR away from here until the gas I can no longer afford so I will walk fifty five more until my feet are sore sore sore and when day becomes night you will all transform and these mirages of friendship are all gone Yes, these mirages of friendship are gone gone gone and from this surgical extraction I guess I'll crawl home
7.
Unemployable 03:58
my best friend told me today that he would never hire me at the minimum wage job that he manages cause my perspective conflicts with his with regards to being a working stiff you see I know my job and I ain't we because I sold 20k and only made seventy... two. (BEFORE TAXES OF COURSE) -- (he says his) Job's not about making coffee it's about connecting with the people cause when you give them half your attention you make them fee-eel revered, he says ------- it's not about the gratuity, suuuure ;) it's about being genuine he says anyone who has to fake it is unemployable, he says that I am unemployable, he says that despite all my tours I lack all these skills, he says that I don't know how to be a human being, cause I know a bed ain't the only place you can live out your dreams, and I re- fuse to climb the cor-poor-ate ladder, emphasis on poor -- I retort I was born in the usa I was born in the usa i don't wanna be another cog in the machine i don't believe in the american dream, I said i don't wanna be another cog in the machine i don't believe in the american dream so you can live the 9 2 5 lyfe 4 life and maybe by the end of it you can go buy some imp- lanted false memories of a life you forgot live, and try to erase the broken record you did, now for some unsolicited advice! don't eat sleep work consume rep- eat sleep work consume rep- eat sleep work consume rep- eat sleep work consume rep- eat sleep work consume rep- eat sleep work consume rep- (broken record)
8.
Legend at 27 04:35
I'm gonna be a legend one day but first I'll have to die I'm gonna be a legend you'll see but first I'mma have to die, we take for granted everyone who's alive and after they die we will romanticize, our relationships with them, and we'll claim we were their friend -- when in reality we chose not to make time for them, and I know I am guilty more than a little convicted I don't know about you, but I'm feelin' pretty guilty I'm gonna be a legend one day but first I'll have to die I'm gonna be a legend you'll see but first I'mma have to die, we embellish all the tales that we tell about ourselves, and by the end of our lives ooh, we can not even tell, cause we're afraid that they won't care, about the things we have to share so we over state the truth so that they won't for- get about us, cause we don't wanna be forgotten, we all wanna be remembered, so we lie through our teeth, cause we're all liars more than a little dishonest I don't know about you, but I'm a gosh dang liar I'm gonna be a legend one day but first I'll have to die I'm gonna be a legend you'll see but first I'mma have to die, and I'm gonna be a legend one day but 27 is not the age we all consume these vices so that we don't wanna die quite as much as we always do sometimes I wish that I were rich so someone would wanna marry me to release me from all lifes worries, and put me out of my misery (by which I mean) they would devise a plan to-oooo murder me, and make it look like suicide and inherit the almighty money, but I don't wanna die, I'm just sick of being alive
9.
End Boss 04:20
kind of live my life but just enough to get by, just enough where others claim I'm alive, and I feel like I'm just a passenger, in side this hollow cranium, and, I passively watch from behind my eyes all these actions that I wish were a lie, but I treat myself, my friends, and my family, so god damned reprehensibly and that very well may be an accurate depiction of the truth, about me, I am nothing more than a scavenger, hide- ing behind this bandit mask and I hope that one day I, can re gain, some control, oooohh- ver the scales responsible for my chemical imbalances cause I AM THE END BOSS I AM THE END BOSS I AM THE END BOSS (self defeating, Self defeat me) I AM THE END BOSS (help me defeat me and) Please Love Me Please Love Me, I wish that I could Love Me, I wish that I could learn to love myself even though I'm not a/the person that I am proud to be, it does not mean that I shouldn't strive to be
10.

about

...and that's a wrap! 2 new songs that were written after I Am The End Boss and 6 re-recorded songs for posterities sake.

RIP Self Proclaimed Narcissist 2007 - 2022

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released October 10, 2022

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Self Proclaimed Narcissist

DIY Folk-Punk // Anti-Folk // Honesty Folk from Oregon.

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